The solution for having great relationships
What is the book about?
We are all from the same planet, we all have 3 Brains and they have their own priorities and based on education and socialisation they operate differently for all of us.
If I asked you how well you really understand someone else or are being understood , I wonder what you would score on a scale from 1-10?
Honestly, higher or lower than an 8?
This book is having all the ingredients to bring that to a 9 or 10!
How MEN & WOMEN FIT, finally understand your partner with the 3 Brains theory brings a revolutionary new way of looking at interpersonal relationships and how we as men and women can change our communication and social skills in any relationship we are in.
It does not matter if our partner is same sex or not or that we applythis in the family, friends or work situation. They are all relationships with their specific dimensions and the concept of which brain is more active and taking charge of the communication is valid in all cases.
The 3 Brains theory (Head, Heart and Gut Brain) it is based upon connecting research that is done over the last 70 years. How our brains developed from early times, how they make decision and even more important in which hierarchy and how they communicate with each other.
In this book you will discover how our 3 brains determine your and yours partners life, how they are in charge of our emotions, decisions, communication, listening skills and how we handle conflicts. So actually, how successful, meaningful and happy/healthy our relationships are.
You will understand how our Head Brain provides us with logic and creativity, how our Heart Brain is the connector with other people and “drives” us with emotions like love, hatred and compassion and last but not least how our Gut Brain is in command of our survival and therefore, is able to overrule the other two. It is the “ME’ Brain. This is the killer of a healthy relationship if it is in command. I guide you through the 5 reasons why we are actually setup for having troubled relationships:
You will find answer to the standard communication pitfalls we all make and the stereotyping we all are being bombarded with.
Especially the one that men and women think in fundamentally different ways and that there are masculine and feminine traits.
It is true, for example, that men and women who were raised in Western cultures were socialized in reasonably similar ways yet still differ; just think of the differences between Scandinavia and the USA. When you travel around the world, you will become aware that men and women communicate, act, and behave differently in different societies based on their socialization. We can call this simple, but appealing, myth, The Mars/Venus Fallacy. In fact, the differences from one individual to another in different parts of the world are far greater than those between the male and female genders.
According to the Mars/Venus Fallacy, men are simple creatures, aggressively driven by hormonal urges and desperate for gratification. They think mostly about sex, food, and power (Gut Brain). They will say or do anything to get these things. In this blinkered view, women, driven by a different hormonal mix, are more contextual and emotional in their thinking/feeling processes, focusing on emotional connections, harmony, and security (Heart Brain).
This simple-minded notion has so infiltrated our popular culture that it now has the status of revealed truth. Take, for instance, the following example: According to Mars/Venus thinking, when she says, “Do whatever you want”, what she really means is, “Do exactly what I want you to do”.
The stereotyped explanation of this is that she knows that she should not and cannot tell her partner what to do. So, she pays lip service to his free will, while also believing that only a dolt would not figure out what she really wants. When you start believing this, you go down the path of believing that women, as a gender, are disingenuous manipulators. (And that men, in general, are so far from that sort of behavior that they often can’t recognize it when they see it.) What a toxic little trap that is to fall into!
Similarly, according to Mars/Venus thinking, when she says, “It was a bargain”, it’s because she doesn’t have the courage to confess, “I had to remortgage our house. So please don’t ask me how much it cost”.
If you start believing this, you could end up thinking that women are compulsive liars, not to mention bubble-headed spendthrifts. Such scenarios make for great sitcom storylines. As a world view however, they leave something to be desired.
Likewise, according to the ‘men are Martians’ stereotype, men are just as oblique in the way that they express themselves. Accordingly, when he says, “You are overreacting/dramatic”, what he is actually doing is blaming a woman for reacting to his bad behavior by asserting that she is emotional (while he, naturally, is the rational one).
Even when he says, “It’s my fault, I’m sorry”, the Mars/Venus approach would decode that into, “We have been arguing about this for hours and I just can’t take it anymore. Congratulations, you wore me down. Can we have sex now?”
Again, in this explanation, men are written off as nincompoops who will say anything to end a conflict and satisfy their appetites.
Examples of this sort are entertaining, for sure. As a world view, however, they do not pass muster.
If you have fallen into this way of thinking, you will find the creation of satisfying relationships a long journey, indeed. One way to shorten that journey is to start reading this book.
Besides the why we do what we do you will find the answers how to deal with them!
Every parent can find some answers why their kids behave a s they behave based on our their brinas develop and how to deal with that.
When you like to know what is the difference between sex and love making you will that answer too.
The beauty is we can educate our 3 Brains, they are not set in stone. My promise: Happy Healthy relationships are possible
What people said about the book:
Kris Borgaeve: The book gives a deep insight in how our brain(s) interact and store life experiences. Beyond the promise that is contained in the book’s title, I love the nuggets of insight because they help you understand yourself, and virtually anyone you connect with. Well written, spiced with catchy anecdotes and plenty of references.
Stuart Padley: It's not just another self help book. It's special.
Margaret Lawlor: Your book is fantastic Christoffel and would highly recommend and really enjoying my advanced training in clinical hypnosis you are so full of amazing insight and knowledge
Michelle Vos-Castle: Love it Really interesting Read in one sitting Like the mix of you and science Is light but interesting
Mª Teresa Alonso Jaén Owner & Founder of TLeadGo: This book is a great guideline to build emotional connection and happiness.
It brings a different perspective regarding gender differences and relationships, applicable not only to loving relationships but to family, business and friends’ relationships.
It really breaks up the stereotypical thinking, so much needed to navigate with the speed of change in our current environment.
We really need more than ever, to support and complete each other, embrace diversity, have an open heart, connected mind and feel centered.
Leadership is all about being in coherence in the way we think, feel and act, which has a direct impact on the way we relate to others.
By understanding how our three brains work, we understand ourselves and the ones around us is a better way and contribute to have healthier relationships, a healthier society.
Thank you Christoffel for your contribution to make the world a better place to live.
Highly recommended reading!